For today’s edition of Wild Wild Weiss, Igor Squatslav decided to talk to players about their opinion on attack order but then he met a 16th century Calvinist recently thawed from a bog. So, he taught him modern English and what Weiss Schwarz was. This is how he responded to the question of attack order.
For many years, Weiss players have argued whether the order you conduct your attacks in matters. Some argue that you should think about how to maximize the amount of damage you could do based on what you know about the deck order before you attack. Others argue that it is pointless because the deck can only have one order and you don’t know what that is. Both views are wrong, and you probably weren’t someone elected to go to heaven if you think about it.
In fact, the whole question is silly, since you make the same choices no matter what happens, and you’re morally culpable for doing it. God’s provenance is meticulous, thus the circumstances that led to you freely making the choice to attack will always occur the same way, and you will never be capable of choosing differently. However, you made the decision based on the circumstances. Thus, it is even wrong to think about the question of attack order, since you will do what you do, and the outcome is invariant. Truly God is great for removing your need to consider such things.
As an aside, do not complain about eating damage, God determined that too. It is hard to say why, but He did, and it is good.
Thus, to be acted upon by God and reflect the fact that you may very well be among those predetermined by God to go to heaven, there are things you can do besides games of chance. Like wear a plain hat with a buckle on it, move to the Plymouth Rock colony, yell at those Cavaliers in Calvert’s colony or Georgia to abolish slavery, yell at William Penn to get off the floor. See, lots of things you can do.
And with that wisdom delivered, our Weiss playing puritan evaporated into bog gas. It smelled like chowder.
Wild Wild Weiss 
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